Wu-Tang does it again. Again and again. The Onion takes a stab at the mythical Wu-Tang Clan and attempts to create a family tree and in the process, researchers Robert Wilburn and Charles Tinsley, identified and catalogued nearly 300 decendants of the Wu-Tang Clan.
"It was an immense project," said Tinsley, who coauthored the 450-page genealogical report. "For instance, it took us months to conclude that Ol' Dirty Bastard, Dirt McGirt, Big Baby Jesus, Osirus, Dirt Dog, and Peanut the Kidnapper were all the same person."Tinsley further elaborates on the Clan's Shaolin methods, questioning his own manhood:
"While the Clan is generally associated with tales of conquest, slaughter, and 'bringing da motherfuckin' ruckus,' it must also be noted that its members were prolific lovers who expanded the empire by sowing their seed all across the country," Tinsley said. "Who knows, perhaps my very own children are direct descendants of Ghostface Killah."Have they uncovered all of the Wu-Tang's truths? Not according to Tinsley:
Tinsley was quick to note, however, that the total number of Wu-Tang descendants was impossible to calculate, and could very well reach into the tens of thousands.
"Many believe that the location of the original 36 Chambers is buried somewhere beneath what today is the Staten Island Mall," Wilburn continued. "Unfortunately, unless that T.J. Maxx shuts down, and the mall's food court goes out of business, we may never know the truth."
"Still, one thing remains certain," Wilburn added. "The Wu-Tang Clan was nothing to fuck with."
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